RACINE, WI—Touting the product’s capability to mentally and bodily destroy bugs by way of their deepest insecurities, Raid unveiled a brand new Confidence Killer pest management equipment Thursday that fats shames ants into ravenous themselves. “With Raid’s new physique dysmorphia equipment, in any other case stunning ants will hate their look a lot that they are going to do something to alter it,” stated model spokesperson Christina Gordon, including that the equipment included quite a lot of instruments, together with harmful eating regimen dietary supplements and closely photoshopped photographs of ants with impossibly skinny thoraxes, lengthy antenna, and completely formed mandibles. “Whereas these ants could have completely regular weights once they enter the home, Raid will educate them that there are all the time flab to shed. Quickly, the ants will change into obsessive about burning energy, proscribing consuming, and hiding their our bodies. They’ll have zero curiosity in bringing big crumbs to their queen. Not that she’d eat the fattening morsels anyway.” At press time, Raid issued a warning to not enable canines or cats close to the kits, and to name a vet instantly if the pets present indicators of melancholy or cease consuming.
